I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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