thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
