dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
