I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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