video games are the ultimate cock blocker
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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