Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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