Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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