One girl and one boy is just not enough.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
