and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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