I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
