I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
