yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
