Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
