Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
