YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
