I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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