she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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