I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize