just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
