ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
