VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
