Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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