My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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