not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
