I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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