Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Blood and glitter go together right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
