id be glad to
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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