I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
