I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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