with your own penis?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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