I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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