Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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