your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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