i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
