Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
