I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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