Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
