you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
