Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
