I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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