she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
