the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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