My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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