He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
