Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
