is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
