the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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