shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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