nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
