dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
