Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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