I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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