"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
