what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
