I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can't special order awesome
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
