No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
