You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've changed since you got that strap on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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