you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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