all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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