Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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