this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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