I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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