in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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