my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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