there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
