I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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