god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
