I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
