ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
